Sunday I visited my mom in her new assisted living facility. As I woke her from her nap, she looked up, smiled and said, “Oh, Bobbi.” We had a lovely time just being together, often in silence, sometimes with the exchange of a few words, intermittently holding hands. We looked at family photos and took a little walk down the hall to have tea. Before I left I told I loved her and that I would be back the next morning.
When I arrived the next day, Mom was in the TV room. She barely acknowledged me, she wasn’t present to me, she ignored me. I told her I would be on my way home soon, and giving me a little wave, she said I should go. I told her I loved her, and off I went.
What to make of this? “The mom I have had for all these years is fading away. Understandable, yet sad.” That’s what I thought yesterday after I returned to the cottage.
But today, it came over me that Mom has released me from the job I have had all my life, which has been to make her happy. I know from my years of experience working in hospice that people make the final journey by themselves. They don’t need a family member helping them along, for heaven’s sake, and what’s more, we loved ones can’t keep hanging onto them. Yesterday Mom released me from this wonderful job. Maybe it will end up being her final gift to me, but I’ll keep visiting and doing what I can to make her happy.
When I arrived the next day, Mom was in the TV room. She barely acknowledged me, she wasn’t present to me, she ignored me. I told her I would be on my way home soon, and giving me a little wave, she said I should go. I told her I loved her, and off I went.
What to make of this? “The mom I have had for all these years is fading away. Understandable, yet sad.” That’s what I thought yesterday after I returned to the cottage.
But today, it came over me that Mom has released me from the job I have had all my life, which has been to make her happy. I know from my years of experience working in hospice that people make the final journey by themselves. They don’t need a family member helping them along, for heaven’s sake, and what’s more, we loved ones can’t keep hanging onto them. Yesterday Mom released me from this wonderful job. Maybe it will end up being her final gift to me, but I’ll keep visiting and doing what I can to make her happy.