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One New Year's Resolution, Now

12/31/2010

Hogmanay Torchlight Procession in Edinburgh

       I’m not into New Year’s resolutions right now because I’m thinking about Eckhart Tolle’s Power of Now, whereas resolutions are all about the power of the future. How can I live in the now and have a bunch of futures spinning around in my head?
        It was breathtaking to watch the new millennium appear a decade ago as we sat in our living rooms and traveled around the globe, celebrating country by country. My friend in Australia has already greeted 2011. The soldiers in Iraq will be marking the moment at 4 pm EST as their families and friends hope that their loved ones are receiving a special meal and news of returning home soon. In Italy they will be shouting “salute “at 5 my time. An hour later in Scotland (my other favorite country) the four-day New Year’s celebration of Hogmanay will come to a climax, as lads and lassies lift their glasses saying,

Here's tae us -  
Wha's like us –
Damn few –
And they're a' deid –
 Mairs the pity!

     That moment when New Year’s Eve becomes New Year’s Day is all about the Now. I’ll be in bed and asleep when that moment comes, but when I wake up in 2011, maybe I’ll decide to make one resolution after all. NOW!

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Ring-a-ling-a-ling

12/29/2010

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      Ring-a-ling-a-ling. Today I’m talking about silence, but I’ll try to be quiet about it. You’d think it would be simple: silence is no sound. But it certainly isn’t simple when I think about my mom at 100 living with no sound because she is deaf. Her thoughts aren’t silent however, even though they don’t make any noise.
    When Mom was born in 1910 Alexander Graham Bell had already held the first telephone patent for 34 years. I don’t know when her family first got a phone in Brooklyn, but I do know that when Mom and Dad moved to Connecticut they were given the number 9491. I remember when we first had to add a 9 to the number, when we added 66 and it became 966-9491, and then when the 203 area code was added. How many calls were sent and received over the years through this number? How many plans? How many messages of births and deaths? How many secrets? And now with Mom moving to an assisted living facility, that number that the family held for sixty-nine years is being discontinued. Tonight I called the number and left a message, perhaps the last one . Tomorrow the number will vanish for us, but we will still have the telephone memories, and maybe, just maybe those conversation are still floating around out there.
     Life goes on. I wonder when 203-966-9491 will arbitrarily be assigned to another family?

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"Hey, I want some peace and quiet!"

12/28/2010

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Here I am playing in my room.Beatrix Potter. Two Bad Mice.

I’ve been thinking about ways to get a little solitude during the holiday, because let’s face it, these days are often filled with family and friends. Of course the message is one of peace, but it’s not easy to speak up and say, “Hey, I want some peace and quiet!” But what if we did? Maybe everyone in the room would shout, “So do I.”

When I was teaching I never liked the idea of teacher-direct time out, but I did get a chuckle out of a frustrated first grader who one day announced, “I am taking a time out.” Off he went to a corner of the room with his book. I hope as a grownup he is still monitoring himself.

I can still feel the sense of relief when one day my mom suggested that I go up to my room and play by myself. “You’ve spend a lot of time with friends, but I know that you like your time alone. Come down in an hour. ” She was probably talking to a whiny, out-of-control ten year old, but my mom knew how to parent me. I recall staying up there all afternoon; I can picture the incident like it happened yesterday.

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Being listless

12/27/2010

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To list, or not to list.

   Cars are zipping by the house, the snow is stopping and I am stressing that life is going to become complex again. How simple it is when the weather makes all of our decisions. But the minute we know we can get into our car and go somewhere, ugh, we also believe that we can actual accomplish everything on that foolish list that we just made.
       Speaking of lists, this morning as I started writing one, I decided that I HATE lists. They make me feel too grounded, as if what is on them is the most important thing in my whole wide world. Actually, lists have never been a big part of my routine. If there is something I have to remember, I write a word or two on a piece of paper and put it by the sink in the bathroom or on the floor by my bed—right in my face. If I’ve run out of coffee, or something really important, I jot it down on a scrap of paper and stuff it in my pocket. But from time to time I can fall into the trap of list making, and so I am starting my New Year’s resolutions a few days early this year—NO LISTS. Already my life feels simpler.
        Please, I realize that some of you are proud and proficient makers and users of lists, and that your lists relieve your stress and help you live simply. My point is that we each examine the little things in our lives, all those little habits, and see what makes us hold our breath too long or clinch our fists so our knuckles become white, and what allows us to give a sigh of relief or let our hands drop limp in our lap. You’ll know which one to choose.

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From stress to simplicity

12/26/2010

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Before the storm. 2 pm

Snow is forecast, and plenty of it. In fact flurries began here at 8 am The instant we canceled our trip to Connecticut to visit family, and decided to stay home, my life went from stress to simplicity. I’m fascinated with how a little decision can immediately put me in simplicity mode.
Here’s how it goes. I fret about what to make for dinner, decide upon spaghetti and simplicity reigns. For three days I think about the get-well card I should send, and when finally I put it in the mail, my stress disappears.
What’s going on here? How does this work? I notice some unrest, which I label stress, which follows me wherever I go. It is persistent and gets much more attention than the situation warrants. (After all, how important is the supper menu?) The solution is simple, really—figure out what is bothering me and deal with it immediately. Simple! Really?

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Finding peace

12/25/2010

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Our simple jade tree on this Christmas morning.

       One December day when I was teaching kindergarten a five year old came up and asked me, “Are you Christmas?” It cracked me up to realize how young children go right to the core of things to get just the information they need.
       So, for all of you who “are Christmas,” a Merry Christmas to you. For all of you, whether you “are Christmas” or “are something else”, I hope that this holiday season will affirm, inspire and encourage you to find the peace and purpose that you long for in your life. I believe that that is everybody’s goal; it is certainly my purpose in writing this blog
       Sarah’s comment on December 23rd has affirmed, inspired and encouraged me to keep going. Thank you, Sarah. And thank you, Ann, for reminding us to notice all the people who have been friendly and kind, and to be thankful.

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Thinking simple

12/23/2010

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      Okay, let’s get practical. How can those of us who long for some silence, solitude and simplicity keep our sanity during the holidays? We have to practice thinking simple, especially during these times when life is complex and full of stress potential.

      Today everything at the supermarket was complex and stress producing. Let’s start with my shopping cart and then talk about the checkout lines. Actually my cart wasn’t over loaded, but it didn’t end up with what I needed. I couldn’t believe that they were out of chicken livers, the basic ingredient for the Crostini di Fegatini that I was planning to make. Stress potential: “Oh, no, you mean I’m going to have to come back here tomorrow?” Thinking simple: “I’ll create something from what I already have in the refrigerator. How lucky am I to be able to come here and fill my cart with whatever I want?”

     Now about the checkout lines, which extended the length of the canned vegetables and soup isle, past the florist area and finally around the corner to the cash registers. Stress potential: “This is going to take an hour and that is only if no one cuts in front of the line.” Thinking simple: “I can’t believe it. The store is organizing these lines in an orderly and expedient way. Twenty minutes and I’m on my way.”

     I know this isn’t the whole story, but one of the paths from stress to simplicity starts when I shift my thinking from the negative to the positive—all in little, seemingly mundane ways.

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Transitioning

12/22/2010

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Kani salad

My mom is safe and comfortable in a rehab facility where hopefully she will get her back on her feet. I am safe and comfortable back at home after spending three days with her in the hospital, where it was nearly impossible even to remember about silence, solitude or simplicity, much less have time alone. But I did have a few successes; I got away for a couple of walks and periodically I shut my eyes and took a little meditation nap while mom was dozing.

On the way home today I stopped for sushi and a kani salad a Japanese restaurant I know. I needed to ease the transition from mother care to the holiday activities awaiting me at home, and over the years I have found that treating myself to good food and enjoying my solitary company is a winning combination for getting rid of stress. I like food and I like to be alone, so why not put them together. Simple.

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Hospital and holiday silence, solitude and simplicity

12/20/2010

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    The silence, solitude and simplicity that I brought the cottage is holding me in good stead as I sit with my mom in the hospital waiting for everyone to figure out what’s the next best plan for her. She lives in the silence of deafness and has always created the solitude that she needs. At the moment her choice is simple: “I want to go back to where I live.”
     It has just occurred to me that I am learning about the 3S’s through the situations of others.For the past 24 hours I've been gathering stories.
     To begin with, there is the woman who cleans the floors. She came here ten years ago with her husband and one of her children, leaving most of her family behind. “But it’s okay,” she tells me, “and I will get back there someday.
        Then there is the man across the hall, waiting to be released so he can go back to the shelter where he lives. They're giving him a good lunch first. “It’s going to be cold,” he’s told.
         What about the aide who is going to New Jersey to see an aunt after work? She has her own life. Once again I am amazed how involved I have become in my immediate situation.
         And then there’s the little Italian woman, walking the hall, getting ready to go home. She stops and I listen to her entire story. My choice. I could have withdrawn into my own silence. But not to worry, it’s there for me whenever I want it.
          It’s up to each of us to slip off occasionally to our own cottage by the sea and find the silence, solitude and simplicity that we need this holiday season. No easy task.

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Beach walk

12/18/2010

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   Let me tell you about my beach walk yesterday. For the first fifteen minutes I was the only one out there. Ah, there it was, solitude fulfilling that secret longing, reminding me why I come to my cottage by the sea. The sun was warm, sky blue, tide going out—the laws and silence of nature performing at their beautiful best. After a while, I was joined by others, solo, in couples, with dogs, but always at a distance.
        I came to the spot close to the road where I had met my organic farmer friend bagging seaweed for fertilizer a few weeks ago. Good thing he hadn’t come today; there was no seaweed on the beach, whereas a few weeks ago the place was overtaken by the stuff. But wait…, further down, the beach was covered with seaweed and other kinds of ocean debris, including some metal lobster traps all snarled together. It was like being on two separate beaches on opposite ends of the globe.
      Shells cluttered the seaweed beach. Mainly clam shells that the seagulls were dropping from the air and then swooping down to devour the insides. These were the shells that kids used to collect, decorate and give as gifts (ashtrays, remember?). I’ve had my years of children and grandchildren filling my pockets as we walked the beach; for the most part I’ve given up collecting.

        But oh…not entirely, not today… now with a nautilus waiting for me.