Seems that my recent blogs have been about ways that I squeeze a little silence, solitude or simplicity into my daily (extroverted) life. Now that I’m back home away from the cottage by the sea, it sometimes feels that way, but I want to reinforce that even now there are times when I bask in the 3S’s. It’s just that I have to fit them in among the usual busyness, and, truth be told, the chunks aren’t as long or as extended as at the cottage. My life here is more normal, or, to say it in reverse, the CBTS time was quite abnormal.

     I am aware that most of you reading this blog don’t have big chunks of ‘cottage’ time available in your lives, but I also assume that something in you desires silence, solitude and simplicity and sometimes to be alone. Otherwise, why would you ever return to this blog? My hope is that in reading about my experiences and my thinking behind them, you will discover your own ways to find the silence, solitude and simplicity that you want, and find moments alone.

I figure that if I want silence I’d better have good hearing. It’s a question of control, controlling what I want to hear and what I want to block out or walk away from. So I had my hearing checked at the new state-of-the-art office of Mass Eye and Ear out here in the suburbs. My ears are fine, for someone my age; I can distinguish sounds (words) well, so when and if the time comes for hearing aides, I will be a perfect candidate. “Come back in five years,” I’m told.

    I did this because I saw how hard it was for my mom during her last twenty years. Her hearing became more and more compromised and I believe that in the end it effected her mental capacities. Mom had a rich life, all 101 years, but if she had known to attend to her hearing early on, much of her life of silence would have been by choice, not by default.

    On this blog I usually don’t tell people what to do, but today is an exception. If any of you wonder about your hearing, or have family or friends who are wondering, please sneak over to your local audiologist and be tested, get a base-line for future reference. If you don’t want anyone to know, not to worry, The HIPPA law is alive and well.

Kudos to the manager of my local supermarket , whom I spoke with this morning about the carding issue. He offered some of his frustrations about the store policy, and then explained the benefits and reasons for carding everyone. But mainly he listened, and I felt he heard. Isn’t that often all (or almost all) we want?

     I still don’t like the policy, but my mind is already more silent about it. After I post this blog I trust that most of my carding chatter will stop, and I can enjoy the flowers after the marvelous rainfall we’ve had.

A friend, with gorgeous grey hair, just got carded at our local supermarket. Why does this get my ire up? It’s happened to me a couple of times; evidently it’s the new standard procedure at the store. Card everyone--that way no one underage will walk away with a beer or bottle of wine.

     The first time I was carded I laughed at the absurdity that my Medicare card would suffice as an ID. The second time, it was a bother , but I complied. But after my friend’s carding report on Facebook this morning, I found myself having a mental conversation with the store manager. I started with the idea that this was an invasion of my privacy…Why should every check-out clerk know my age? From there I noticed that I was replacing my feel-good energy for the store (fresh produce, yummy take-out meals, excellent service) with negatives (too expensive, crowded aisles, and now carding).

     How human it is to have opinions about such situations, but if I leave it at that, without a solution, I’ll just continue to be agitated and the topic will usurp my silence, solitude and simplicity. So, how do I proceed? Let it go? Keep being annoyed? Buy my wine (groceries) elsewhere?. At the moment, speaking to the manager feels like the way I can release my concerns and end the foolish chatter in my mind--chatter that definitely detracts from the 3S’s.

Reporting in on last night. I didn’t watch the Sox lose, but did read the headline in today’s Globe. That’s how I know. So what did I do instead? I read and then watched “Survivor”, the only TV show other than sports and the news that I watch. Will I choose to watch the Bruins tonight? I think not, now that I know I can catch the score in the paper.

    To-watch-or-not-to-watch, that is the question. But the bigger question is about TV noise in general. My husband watches CNBS during the day, so I can hear the hum of conversation as I walk through the room. He keeps the volume down and anyway, it’s his house, too. When he’s watching a show in the evening (again with the volume down) I notice that the sound escalates with the ads, especially the network ones, as they try to entice us to watch a violent police drama. No way around it, TV sound intrudes on my silence, even when I’ve chosen to watch something. At least in that case I have some control.

    But what about what I see on the TV screen? Visual noise, I call it, which  goes right along with the auditory. The combo really disrupts my peace. Seeing and hearing about all the medications I’m told I need for all the diseases and medical issues that I have (or am ready to get) is extremely disruptive to my longing for silence, solitude and simplicity. Intellectually I may understand what they are trying to do, but I’m very weary of how all those pictures and sounds are feeding my unconscious. Off with the TV.  

     Now that I’m home, without opportunities to slip off to the cottage, I find that I am allowing myself to be swept up into the busyness of life. If I don’t pay attention, the momentum picks up on its own. Of course it’s something that I can control; it’s up to me to decide how much of a silent, solitude and simple life I want to lead. As I write, I find myself grinning because I know this will be a life-long theme, although I’d like to make a hard and fast rule about what I do and don’t do.

     Today, at this moment, my new rule is: Do not follow the Red Sox for a month (or at least a day). This includes no TV, no newspaper reading, no conversation. I ought to add the Bruins to this rule, but they are leading in their playoff series, so I might as well take in that positive energy, always aware that this could change in an instant.

     But more than just being disappointed with the home team (they lost 18-3 last night), there is something out of balance about much of the current sports frenzy, be it professional, college or even for school-age kids. Sports is taking in bigger breath than it has the capacity for or that it deserves--too much money, macho, ego, vain-glory, materialism (I’m on a roll; I could go on and on).

      I am going to leave the sports stadium for a while and reenter the arena of silence, solitude and simplicity. At least I am in control of the balance in my life.

Have you ever seen these?  “20 Ways to get Good Karma,” offered by the Dalai Lama back in 2006. A first for me and I’m delighted. Just love Number 5, “Lean the rules so you know how to break them properly.”  Then there is the compassion duo of 19 and 20, which really says it all.

    I received this wisdom in a link that offered exquisite accompanying photographs. I hope you can access it easily. (You do need PowerPoint.)  
waswc.soil.gd.cn/TakeABreak/Good%20Karma-pps.pps

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three R’s:
-  Respect for self,
-  Respect for others and
-  Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great relationship.
7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
10.Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.
20. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.


waswc.soil.gd.cn/TakeABreak/Good%20Karma-pps.pps


My last full day at the cottage. I’ve enjoyed a pristine sunrise, walked the beach and have almost completed the cleaning. This has been my first winter without my mom--after all those years. No wonder that her supportive, cheerful and loving way continues to be with me, and that her smile still welcomes me. I keep hearing her last words, ‘very grateful’.

     Mom never knew about my cottage by the sea. I made one attempt to tell her about it but she didn’t seem to get it, and when I brought it up again on my next visit, she had no memory of it. That was three and a half years ago when I first started coming here. Maybe I didn’t want her to know. Maybe it was one of my ways of letting go. She might not have understood all my reasons for wanting silence, solitude and simplicity, but she would have appreciated my need to be sometimes be alone. When I was a child, probably about ten, I remember she suggested that I go up and “spend some time by yourself in your room.” She knew I needed the solitude--maybe because she at times needed it too.

        In fact, during the last ten or so years of her life, Mom would be grateful for our visits, but then she would subtly dismiss us. It was time for us to go. Mom needed to be alone.

       While enjoying a latte and bagel at Barnes & Noble yesterday, I read the first 70 pages of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking, by Susan Gain. Interesting how psychology, beginning in the '50s, and playing out at Harvard Business School and beyond, decided that quiet and being introverted was bad for the individual. As a teacher I played my part, too, voicing concern about students who, though doing fine academically, weren’t ‘social enough’. Public wisdom in the education field and beyond was that there was something wrong with introverts; that they ‘had problems’, although often we couldn’t be more specific than that. 
      I seem to be into the introvert phase of my life. I think I was that way as a young child, but was also socialized to actualize my extrovert propensities. My teen years, parenting, teaching, writing my books and presenting to teachers called upon my extroverted self, all of which I never objected to or even though much about it. In retrospect, I am aware that all of that was balanced by times when I retreated into my solitary self.
      What I have read so far in Quiet affirms what I feel is right for me now in my life. Understanding the extrovert/introvert dichotomy in a new way, helps me accept my search for silence, solitude and simplicity, and my longing sometimes to be alone.

     Another topic~~ Take a look at the two women in the photo. The one whose back is to me, is reading a novel; the one facing me is taking notes from magazines, which range from cooking to finances. They were together (friends, partners, sisters?) although sitting at separate tables for a morning of reading. I know that they were together because the ‘reader’ got up and offered to fill the ‘note-taker’s’ little plastic cup with water.
      “Um,” I thought, “They haven’t spent one cent here today.”
      “Um,” I thought some more, “I am not spending one cent on this $26 book. I guess I’d better be quiet about my judgments.”