A Cottage by the Sea
  • Home
  • On My Mind
  • Quotes
  • New Beginnings
  • Secrets of an Old Woman
  • A Solitary Traveler
  • Compassionate Reading
  • About me
  • About me and my blog
  • Comfort food
  • Books
  • Suggested reading
  • Poems

Word for the year

12/28/2021

0 Comments

 
Picture
There is much that is packed into the end of December for me:    
24th—Christmas Eve
25th—Christmas
28th—Our Wedding Anniversary
30th—My Birthday
31st—New Year’s Eve


   I wonder what my ‘word’ for 2022 will be?  In 2020 it was gentleness, in 2021, patience. I’m still working on those, although they are coming along. At least I am more aware when I am harsh, not gentle, and when I am impatient, rather than patient.  
     I sit her waiting for the 2022 word to come into my consciousness. Ah, here it is--loving: the bottom line of all faith traditions. Two aspects of loving come to mind: to slow down and show people appreciation: and to send loving thoughts to people (and situations) with whom I don’t agree.

0 Comments

January 17th resolutions

1/17/2021

0 Comments

 
Picture
How often do we say that we want a quiet day, a day of solitude, a simple day, and then it doesn’t happen? Although everyone can carve out a little time for that, I am writing from the perspective of a retire person who does have time. So my remarks, as always, come from that perspective.  Every so often I feel the need to reiterate that. 
     We are seventeen days past the New Year, but I feel like today is a new beginning for me. Maybe it’s in anticipation of a new administration in Washington, with a leader who talks of hope, love, and possibilities. Clearly his disposition is close to mine.
    While Biden is busy, with, let’s face it, no time for silence, solitude, or simplicity, I am resolving to offer my personal balance to that. 
  • To listen more than talk.
  • To spend more time in meditation and contemplation.
  • To live simply.

0 Comments

Unofficial official New Year's Day

1/7/2019

0 Comments

 
Picture
     The New Year has unofficially officially begun. Usually sometime unofficial comes about before the official time, but not the New Year. Until Epiphany on January 6th, Christmas lingers, and that means last year lingers.
     We didn’t decorate for Christmas, so there is nothing to put away, which is often a sign that the New Year has officially begun. Then there are the New Year’ resolutions. We want to start them on January 1st, but that doesn’t always happen. Who wants to eat raw broccoli without the dip on New Year’s Day?
     I don’t make a long resolution list; I have my usual ones and leave it at that.However, over the past few days a new one, which undoubtedly has to do with my on-going longing for silence, solitude and simplicity, has surfaced. Keep conversations concise…don’t go on and on, and don’t enable others to do so.
Oops, I’d better end this right now!

0 Comments

Flying into Florence~

1/5/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
My ‘attitude resolution’ for the new year is going well as long as I don’t join the throngs complaining about the Boston Globe distribution fiasco. I’ve been finding great solitude on my morning walks, although today I’ll have to wait until it warms up. Am also playing my usual waiting game as I get ready for my flight on Sunday afternoon. I’ll make it to church and then be on my way. The travel challenge will be flying into Florence if there is wind. Evidently, the conditions in the valley where Florence and the Duomo sit are not favorable for flying. Not to worry, the airlines are used making a detour to Bologna and busing people from there. I did the reverse last March on my way home.
     I am very excited for twelve days of silence, solitude and simplicity as I wander about my favorite city, visit museums and churches, and affirm once again that you can’t get a poor meal in Italy.


0 Comments

New Year's attitude resolution~

1/1/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
It would be accurate to say I’ve never been one to make New Year’s resolutions. I know better than to take on something kind, generous, and positive for a whole year; or to promise never to put brown sugar on my cereal, walk four miles every day, or only check Face Book in the morning. I’m too flawed, too hyperactive, too human.
     That being said, I’m working on an attitude resolution for 2016: do not complain about things in my life over which I have no control--such as the weather, the traffic, a poor meal at a restaurant, late deliver of the newspaper. Shut up unless there is something I can do about it, and then, DO IT.
     The resolution goes further, however: do not talk about negative things that have happened, do not make them part of the story. Shut up unless the telling will make a definite difference in future outcomes.
I will try to follow this attitude resolution. I say try because I’ll forget or I’ll want to wallow in whatever isn’t working, or I’ll convince myself that there are exceptions. But with practice, life should improve, and that is the point. I believe that negativity begets negativity and criticism begets criticism, just as I believe that gratitude begets more gratitude, and love begets more love. If we don’t put hate into the world, it won’t be there. Conversely, if we put love into the world, it will be there.
     This is not a new or original idea, but for me to be conscious not to talk about what isn’t working, not to tell the negative story nor criticize when nothing can be done to change things, is a shift of focus for me, a shift in what I say out loud, and thus what I think in my head. Less outward chatter begets less inward chatter.
     I may become a less interesting person; after all, positive stories are boring. Since I’ve never been a storyteller nor a particularly interesting conversationalist, so why begin now?


0 Comments

Getting rid of stuff--again--some more~

5/17/2014

0 Comments

 
Picture
  Mrs. Robin is still sitting; Mister Robin is feeding her. That’s what it looks like from here. Of course, I put it all in anthropomorphic terms. I like to think that Mister is doing his share, and we know that he’ll be helping with the feeding once the babes are hatched. Remember, “Make Way for Ducklings”? Mr. Mallard disappeared for the entire pregnancy but then showed up to show off his progeny.

    On the human front around here, once again, we are getting rid of stuff. Jim does a much better job than I do. He’s fast—makes a decision and goes with it. As I write (I could be tossing stuff instead of writing about it) he’s out in the garage getting stuff ready for our daughter’s yard sale in Pennsylvania. Actually, we could get rid of it right now; put a sign out, and it would be gone in an hour. Living across from the library there’s plenty of traffic and excellent parking. Oh, need I mention that all the stuff Jim has accumulated is from the put-and-take? It’s not even our stuff!

      What I am dealing with, however, is my stuff, mainly papers and books. I don’t have enough papers to warrant a dumpster, but the recycling facility at the dump will suffice. It also has a first-rate book exchange shed: and then there are friends, the yard sale, and the library book fair.

     I’m going to activate IT’S TIME TO GO; LETTING GO OF STUFF  http://lettingofstuff.blogspot.com/ as a way to shame myself to get going. I’d rather write about it than do it. That’s pathetic, Bobs. I just want a simple life, not a stressful one.




0 Comments

More about 'The Three Sieves Test'~

8/12/2013

0 Comments

 
PictureSifting sand on Iona.
What about these three sieves? Is it truthful, kind, and necessary? When should I use them? How do they apply? As a start, they apply when I want to tell a story, when I want to relate something that someone else did or that happened to them. I’m not talking about a character in history; I taking about someone I know or know of. I’m thinking of the category where gossip resides. The minute I slip over into that territory, bring out the three sieves!

        Is it true? Watch those embellishments. A story can be made more interesting if we stray from the facts.

        Is it kind? Watch that ‘schandenfreude’. A story isn’t kind when told at someone else’s expense as a way to elevate ourselves. 

       Is it necessary (useful)? This one is the biggest challenge. Most stories aren’t necessary as far as life and death is concerned. We tell them to enrich our lives and the lives of others, hopefully in useful ways. Be sure to clear out the negatives before accepting the usefulness.  

     One way to monitor ourselves is by asking, “If the person about whom I’m telling this story were here, would I tell it in this exact way?” If the answer is ‘yes’, go for it; your answers have passed the ‘Three Sieves Test.’


0 Comments

Socrates and 'The Three Sieves'

8/10/2013

10 Comments

 
Picture
The story of Socrates and ‘The Three Sieves’ is posted all over the internet, source unknown.

     What if everyone  performed the simple ‘Three Sieves Test’ before speaking out? Many possibilities, but for sure the world would be a more peaceful and silent place.

Once upon a time in ancient Greece, one of the acquaintances of the great philosopher Socrates came up to him and said: “Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?”

“Hold on a moment,” Socrates replied. “Before you tell me, I would like to perform a simple test. It is called the ‘Three Sieves Test.’ ”

“The ‘Three Sieves Test?’ ”

“Yes. Before you say a word about my student, take a moment to reflect carefully on what you wish to say by pouring your words through three special sieves.”

“The first sieve is the Sieve of Truth. Are you absolutely sure, without any doubt, that what you are about to tell me is true?”

“Well, no, I’m not. Actually I heard it recently and…”

“Alright,” interrupted Socrates. “So you don’t really know whether it is true or not. Then let us try the second sieve: the Sieve of Goodness. Are you going to tell me something good about my student?”

“Well…no,” said his acquaintance. “On the contrary…”

“So you want to tell me something bad about him,” questioned Socrates, “even though you are not certain if it is true or not?”

“Err…”

“You may still pass the test though,” said the Socrates, “because there is a third sieve: the Sieve of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?”

“No. Not so much.” said the man resignedly.

Finishing the lesson, Socrates said: “Well, then, if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor useful, why bother telling me at all?”


10 Comments

Letting go of schadenfreude~

7/24/2013

0 Comments

 
Picture
I’m trying to refrain from giving opinions and suggestions to other people.  Of course, I’m still at the trying stage (and always will be to some extent) because it is mighty hard to keep quiet and refrain from offering my critique or telling people what I believe they should do. But think about it. Most of the people with whom I interact already have a cadre of ideas about what they should/would/could do. And besides, they haven’t asked for my opinion (nor do I usually ask for theirs).

     I’ve been writing about this quest for silence, solitude and simplicity for almost three years now. Clearly it involves more than just turning off the TV, sitting alone in a room, or getting rid of stuff. It is about stilling the mind/body/spirit, which includes stepping out of the mainstream of life, where critique, opinion, and the need to be ‘right’ are part of every day living.

     Letting go of offering opinions is a precursor to letting go of having judgments. We all experience some schadenfreude--the satisfaction or pleasure we feel at someone else’s misfortune--which is at the core of many judgments. The challenge is to discern when the opinions we offer are really some form of schadenfreude in disguise, and then, if so, let them go.

     I realize that this path toward silence, solitude and simplicity removes me from some aspects of the social mainstream. As I share fewer stories about others people, conversational encounters will shift. Hopefully I’ll become a better listener. That’s how it was with my mom. When she was told of someone’s plight (or success), she would smile and leave it at that. No opinion or critique from her, although sometimes she would respond to a negative story with, “Well, I don’t know about that.”


0 Comments

Les Mis and the NOW~

1/3/2013

0 Comments

 
Picture
Yesterday I started out with good intentions to attend the 12:15 showing of Les Mis, arriving in plenty of time only to be told by an attendant sweeping the sidewalk that the first showing was at 3:15-- that the times on the website were for last week. He went on and on justifying the error, which in his mind definitely trumped any customer inconvenience. I was fascinated that he seemed so unaware of my side of the story; no, more to the point, that he was so unaware that I even had a story.

     In truth, I didn’t tell him my story. As I listened, I noticed that it wasn’t a big deal to me. I observed my ‘ah so’ attitude and then chose what to do next. First I stopped in at the Dollar Store where I decided that I didn’t need a package of six sponges for the kitchen or a glass shaker for ptarmigan cheese. Then I drove the fifteen minutes back to the cottage where I read, ate, and napped before returning for the afternoon showing.

    As I write this, it occurs to me that all that sitting and being from the deck is paying off. What better proof than being in the NOW right in front of a movie theater.

     P.S. I’m glad I saw Les Mis. The music is phenomenal, Hollywood is Hollywood, I loved the play. Go see for yourself.


0 Comments
<<Previous
    Contact me: [email protected]

    Categories

    All
    3rs
    3Ss
    3S's
    Aging
    Andre Dubus Iii
    Ann Patchett
    Anticipation
    Art
    Assisi
    Barbara Kingsolver
    Being Alone
    Beyond Words
    Boo
    Books
    Cantice Of The Sun
    Celebrations
    Choices
    Christmas
    Churches
    Community
    Cor
    Cottage By The Sea
    Cottage Day
    Courage
    Curiosity
    Dad
    Dalai Lama
    Death And Dying
    Depression
    Desiderata
    Dietrich Bonhoeffer
    Donald Hall
    Dostoyevsky
    Dr Alex Tang
    Edinburgh
    Eleanor Lerman
    Elizabeth Strout
    Emily Dickinson
    Environment
    Esther De Waal
    Faith
    Field Trip
    Florence
    Fo
    Follow Your Bliss
    Food
    Friendship
    Frugal
    Gifts
    Giving And Receiving
    Gratitude
    Health
    Heart
    Hermits
    Hope
    Humility
    Impermanence
    Independent And Close
    Inspire & Affirm & Encourage
    Introvert
    Iona
    Ireland
    Italy
    James Hollis
    Jane Austen
    Jan Sutch Pickard
    Joan Chittister
    John Dear
    John Masefield
    Joseph Campbell
    Judgments
    Katherine Paterson
    Knitting
    Li
    Lonely
    Longing
    Love
    Luke Russert
    Marsha Sinetar
    Mary Oliver
    Max Ehrmann
    Meaning
    Memories
    Mom
    Moving
    Museums
    My Day
    Nature
    Nina Sankovitch
    Now
    Oliver Herford
    Pamela Dalton
    Pandemic
    Paris
    Passion
    Paulo Coelho
    Peace
    Philip Koch
    Place
    Play
    Prayer
    Present Moment
    Quiet
    Rachel Carlson
    Radical Compassion
    Read
    Reading
    Resolutions
    Restlessness
    Retirement
    Retreat
    Richard Rohr
    Rilkie
    Rita Golden Gelman
    Robert Kull
    Rome
    Routines
    Rumi
    Sankovitch
    Scotland
    Seen In A Draper's Shop
    Service
    Silence
    Sim
    Simplicity
    Skye
    Sol
    Soli
    Solitude
    Soul Work
    Space
    St Catherine Of Siena
    St. Francis
    Stress
    Susan Gain
    Tenzin Palmo
    Thanksgiving
    The Uncommon Reader
    Thomas Keating
    Thomas Merton
    Three Sieves
    Time
    Travel
    Tru
    Viktor E. Frankl
    Walking
    Wonder
    Writi
    Writing

    Archives

    September 2023
    August 2023
    July 2023
    June 2023
    May 2023
    April 2023
    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011
    January 2011
    December 2010
    November 2010

Proudly powered by Weebly