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Spot of grace~

1/3/2015

“Each person is born with an unencumbered spot—free of expectation and regret, free of ambition and embarrassment, free of fear and worry—an umbilical spot of grace where we were each first touched by God. It is this spot of grace that issues peace. Psychologists call this spot the Psyche, theologians call it the Soul Jung calls it the Seat of the Unconscious, Hindu master call it Atman, Buddhists call it Dharma, Rilke calls it Inwardness, Sufis call it Qalb, and Jesus calls it the Center of our Love.

Mark Nepo, “The Book of Awakening,”

I do my best to keep this blog free of specifically religious material, but I figure that if my readers didn’t have any curiosity about the mystery of life, they wouldn’t click on to read what I have to say. I believe that all human beings have deep yearning for the truth and that all religions have their own stories and language that point toward the ineffable. Here’s an comprehensive list for you to ponder as you.

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Confronting poignancy~

4/28/2013

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It’s taking me a few days to settle down after my wonderful, yet active, visit to DC with my sisters. Now to ease into the silence, solitude and simplicity that helps me get in touch with my deeper, more honest self—well as honest I can be.

       When I am involved in too much extrovert activity I’m more apt to wake up with a sadness, a poignancy. It happens to all humans, for it’s part of the human condition, but it’s worth examining. For me this poignancy happens when I put out too much ego energy, when I count on my accomplishments to define who I am, when I start acting and believing that my self-importance trumps everything. This sadness reminds me that I need silence, solitude and simplicity in order to go to that soul place It’s a call for humility.

      Sometimes humility is easy to come by. Last night there was the Johannes Brahms Festival Spring Concert at church, with an array of performer from ages 5 to 95. And today there is a pristine spring day. Early April showers are giving way to May flowers.

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Finding solitude on the calendar~

7/12/2012

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In spite of ample empty spaces on my calendar, these past few days have left me feeling that I don’t have much time to myself. Shifting from solitude to socializing seems to be a unique challenge. Continually I have readjust to the appointments, seeing friends and visiting people that are scattered among the chunks of solitude-- not to mention the mundane chores of daily living that are a given. Just to clarify, ‘visiting people’ refers to things I do to help people out—give a ride to a doctor’s appointment, take someone for a drive or out to lunch, or, as the term suggests, visit them wherever they may be-- in their homes, assisted living facility, or hospital. Of course these people are my friends, but their situation warrants a different kind of planning and attention.

I ought to be used to this. After all, raising a family and teaching kindergarten and first grade gave me years of experience in multi-tasking and shifting focus. But the soul work of settling into a silent, solitary, simple life is altogether different.

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Sunset and sunrise on the Arno~

6/19/2012

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Last night's sunset was one of a kind. It had a sad quality about it, which is a little how I'm feeling on this last full day here. I've had a particularly satisfying, soul-filled time, but that’s what’s hard to let go of. I wonder if I’ll ever get back here to see another sunset on the Arno?

But, alas, once again this morning, there was the sunrise I can always count on. I’m ready to go home to family and friends. I am blessed.

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Reading memories~

10/8/2011

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I finally got my reserve copy of Tolstoy and the Purple Chair from the library. When I wrote about the book on my blog back in July, I had heard the author, Nina Sankovitch interviewed by Emily Rooney on ‘Greater Boston’. I was intrigued with her commitment to read a book a day and follow up with a review on her blog. I didn’t promise to blog daily, but I was fascinated with maintaining a daily practice, and I still am.

Sankovitch took on this project as a way to grieve and come to terms with the rather sudden death of her oldest sister from cancer three years earlier. In her book she shares snippets of reviews and varying insights she gleaned from the books she read. It is these insights, as I grieve for my mother, that resonate with me. Today it’s about the importance of memories and how authors use their memories to create masterful tales, tales that give hope and a belief in the possibility of good in the world.

To a large extent, the memories I am still holding are of those last eight days sitting with Mom. But I notice others coming forward. Memories of Mom in the first house we lived in after moving out of Brooklyn, when I was between the ages of 2 and 5. And another, when I was about 9, of mom coming into my room to shut the window and wake me up on a cold winter’s morning. I wonder what soul work these hold for me. Maybe that’s why, like the writers of the 365 books that Sankovitch read from October 29, 2008 to October 28, 2009, I’m writing this blog.

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Being with Mom~

9/26/2011

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I been thinking about my desire for silence and solitude. In fact, using the term lightly, I could say that I’m obsessed with it, this pull, this longing. It's not about avoiding but about going toward something. Toward God—that’s the universal term we use, but I must admit that it is rather confining and can be restrictive. In fact, any word we use puts a ceiling on the possibilities of meaning. So let me try again and pull out my other favorites; a longing for the ineffable, to sit in the mystery, to be surrounded by the peace that passes all understanding. Regardless, it’s beyond words.

I believe this longing is the deep soul work of all human beings, but for some reason it has become a particularly clear focus in my life. Undoubtedly it’s a life stage issue; many of life's usual practical details aren't important or necessary to me any more; I have addressed them. But that isn’t the entire answer. I trust that anyone reading this blog feels that innate longing once in a while. After all, this is a blog for “people who are looking for silence, solitude and simplicity and who sometimes like to be alone.“

Today I’m going to Connecticut to sit In silence and solitude with my mom, who at age 101 is fading away. She has always had a peaceful aura about her, which is with her now, no doubt about it. Throughout her entire life she has participated in this deep soul work and I trust that that will continue right up until her end. What a privilege to witness.

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Spot of grace~

Confronting poignancy~

Finding solitude on the calendar~

Sunset and sunrise on the Arno~

Reading memories~

Being with Mom~

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