Category: - A Cottage by the Sea

When Bad Things Happen to Good People

2/14/2023

In the title of his book, ‘When Bad Things Happen to Good People’, Rabbi Kushner does not pose a question. He does not ask why bad things happen to good people. In fact, he concludes that he doesn’t know why, but when they do, we can learn from them.
Recently my grandson was in an accident; he is doing fine but the event was traumatic for him and our family. The experience affirmed for me that Rabbi Kushner is right, I learned from this bad thing. I learned because I shared the story with friends. I learned by being on the receiving end of compassion, a place I don’t often find myself.
‘Hmm, why, why this?’ I ask. Well, I haven’t had many bad things happen in my life; I haven’t had bad circumstances to learn from. And also, it is not my way to open myself up to others, whether it be to share bad things or good things; I work things out myself. This time, however, I asked for listening ears.
I’ve often said that giving and receiving is part of a seamless cloth. Sharing this story to help me be part of this seamless fabric.

Reciprocal hospitality~

12/8/2014

“At heart, hospitality is a helping across a threshold.”
Ivan Illich

Offering hospitality doesn’t just happen when someone comes to my house, although that is how I typically think of it. Today I saw it a different way when I visited my 96 year old friend Jo who is just settling into her new home, a nursing home. She cannot cross the threshold to my home, but I can make the step over to hers. She can offer me hospitality, and as she does so, I can reciprocate.

This morning my hospitality was to check out her new surroundings and to rejoice in them: a bed by the window, cheerful helpers, new activities. It wasn’t much, because let’s face it, Jo would rather be in her own home, making her own decisions, surrounded by her own things. The good news is that her dog Daisy can come to call, which she did on Sunday, jumping onto Jo’s lap and staying there the entire visit. Reciprocal hospitality at its best.

A random act of kindness~

6/19/2014

Random acts of kindness. But are they so random? Should we be so surprised? Are they more usual when we are open to them? Would we be more apt to offer them if we stayed alert?

     At the Dublin airport yesterday, waiting for my flight to Boston, there I was, receiving an act of kindness. I was starving, so up I went to the little snack bar and ordered a croissant and cappuccino, only to be told that they only took euro. All I had were pounds sterling, but even the U.S. dollars at the bottom of my suitcase wouldn’t have done the trick. I walked away, feeling a little sorry for myself I must confess, and sat down with an hour to go before flight time.

      “Excuse me, are you the woman who didn’t have money for a snack? I know it will be a long time before we get fed on the flight; my wife and I have some extra euro, so here, buy what you’d like.” I accepted the 6 euro, gratefully returned to the kiosk to make my purchases.

      Sounds easy, doesn’t it. And yet, my first inclination was to say, “No thank you, I’ll be fine.”

     How hard it is to accept money from a stranger. After all, I am self-sufficient, a seasoned traveler, and not poor. How hard it is to accept with a simple thank you and smile, and leave it at that. But that’s pretty much what I did, adding that I’ll return the kindness to someone sometime.

P.S. Once on the plane I realized that I could have paid with a credit card. But then, there would have been no opportunity for that random, or maybe not so random, act of kindness, no opportunity to pass it forward.

Snowy owl at Cape Neddick

12/17/2013

Every day I set out expecting to have the best-ever walk—and I do. Oh, sometimes I have to stretch the point a little, but not often. When I begin my walk I’m not always certain whether I’ll go to the long beach or head up to the lighthouse. Yesterday, on a cold, vitamin D3 walk, I found myself trudging along the snow covered roads to the Cape Neddick Lighthouse (locally referred to as The Nubble).

    There at the parking lot was a college-age man viewing something on the rocks through his telescope. A small crowd gathered as he invited each of us to take a look, at, did you guess it? A snowy owl. And how did I get this picture? With my iPhone; put the phone up to the lens and snap.

     This bird lover was involved in a bird census count sponsored by the National Audubon Society. I loved his enthusiasm and generosity. No question, he had found his passion and was following his bliss.

     Serendipity that I headed to the Nubble? I have no idea, but this was definitely a one-of-a-kind best-ever walk.

It's all to give away~

11/27/2013

We’ve just returned from a visit to the cottage; my husband, our daughter, two grandchildren and me. We ate lobster by the sea in Portland, played word games by the sea at the cottage, and took photographs and went metal detecting on the beach by the sea. It was a by the sea time.

I don’t open up my cottage to many--one or two friends who need a little solace, and immediate family whenever they can make the trip. I have nothing to hide here, but if too many people stopped by, the silence, solitude and simplicity would disappear. Although I believe in the maxim that it’s all to give away, it seems that the best way to give away silence, solitude and simplicity is it to keep some of it to myself and give away what I can on the blog.

Getting rid of stuff~

8/25/2013

Today it was two chairs along the side of the road; rather nice ones; I bet they will be gone by tomorrow. The toilet seat isn’t there any more. I’ll never know what happened to it, but why should I care? Just some unnecessary curiosity to clutter my mind. In our neighbor, there seems to be an unwritten rule that if a roadside item isn’t claimed after a day or two, the owner takes it away--most likely to the dump or into their garage until they figure out what to do with it next.

It isn’t always simple to get rid of stuff but there is a rather lovely rhythm to this roadside giveaway.

More on Fulghum's kindergarten list~

8/22/2013

Okay, where does this one fit into Fulghum’s kindergarten list? To be specific, where does a toilet seat left by the side of the road in our suburban country town fit in? Occasionally people put things (usually furniture) on the sidewalk in front of their homes. Whether it has a ‘For Free’ sign taped on or not, we know it is there for the taking.

Is a toilet seat furniture? Maybe that’s not the point. In fact, what is my point? I guess I was just surprised to see someone’s toilet seat among the flowers. It sure didn’t contribute to the aesthetics.

But aesthetics aside, there’s a lot of beauty in this offering, beauty in recycling. Let’s hope that it is just the right fit for someone who is remodeling their bathroom; giving and receiving, from one remodeling project to another. It’s about kindergarten sharing, and if nothing else, it’s about flushing.

All I really need to know~

8/20/2013

When I was teaching kindergarten, Robert Fulghum came out with his spot-on book, “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.” Now that I’m retired I’m thinking that I might write a sequel entitled, “All I Really Need to Know I Learned on my Daily Walk.” Actually, Fulgrum’s list for kindergarten relates beautifully to what I experience every day. Let’s take the first leaning: Share everything.

     Yup, sharing is being played out on the front lawn of a house right down the road. On a table, with a big sign that says, “Farm Stand”, is a vase of flowers and an array of tomatoes, all for the taking, no charge. And so yesterday I took: one flower for the patio, and one tomato for our salad.

    Today when I go by I’ll Play fair and leave a thank you note. This is giving and receiving at its best. It’s all I really need to know.

Here’s Fulgrum’s list of all he needs to know.

Share everything.
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work
     every day some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes
     up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.

And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

Giving and receiving on the road~

8/16/2013

During my walk I cross a street at at least twelve different places. Some are major intersections, others unobtrusive cul-de-sacs. I used to wait and give every car the right-of-way before I crossed. The driver and I would spend a minute or two bowing and scraping, directing each other to go first. I always won out.

Lately I’ve stopped this little power play. Most of the time I forge across (after being certain that I’m not going to be mowed down), waving and smiling a thank you to the driver. I figure that it saves time and is definitely safer. And besides, it offers the driver the opportunity to balance out any road rage before doing the kind little deed.

How do I know this? It happens to me when I stop for a walker. Out pops the ‘good person’ me.

Reaching out~

5/11/2013

We’ve all heard the suggestion that if you’re feeling down or depressed ‘just go out and do something for someone else’. Good advice that I’m sure most of us have taken at one time or another with some form of success. Helping another is standard over-the-counter tonic for getting out of the doldrums.

The other day a friend told me about another use of the helping tonic. It goes like this: If you feel that you are too busy, ‘just go out and do something for someone else’. Sounds counterproductive, doesn’t it? Too busy, do more!!! My friend tried it and was uplifted by the experience, which opened new worlds and new friendships for her. She is still busy, but no busier than before. The hours in the day remained constant, but her spirits are high.

What is the basic ingredient of this tonic that we’re talking about here? A change of pace, for sure; but one that includes reaching out to others. Even those of us who are in love with solitude know how essential this is for our well-being. A friendly chat with a passing stranger on my walk yesterday was all I needed. As for being too busy, well, I am purposely eliminating as much busyness as possible from my life. But the reaching out is always there.