Secrets of an Old Lady - A Cottage by the Sea

Gravitas begins in kindergarten

1/17/2020

Will I live to see the end of the rhetoric by which Trump has defined his presidency? I hope so. I want to see the end of the verbal malice going on in our country, certainly the malice among adults. When I observe a rude politician I tell myself, “That person was never in my kindergarten class.”
You may detect a tad of arrogance in that comment, but I truly did try to help five year olds learn kind and honest ways to express their opinions and feelings. AND, we discussed what was necessary to say publicly and when it might be prudent to keep silent.
This is not exclusively an old woman hope. But a long life of experiences, coupled with a short life expectancy, I believe gives gravitas to what I am saying.

Turning 80

1/2/2020

Where should this old woman begin? This old woman who turned 80 on December 30, the end of a decade for me and the world of which I continue to be a healthy member.
My kids (ages 49 and 51) gave me a party at Longfellow’s Wayside Inn. Thirty eight family members from Jim’s family and mine, and a few long-time friends gathered to be together, and to celebrate two birthdays, mine and my sister’s. Margot was born six years to the day after I came into the world. I have always loved sharing it with her, which is a gift in itself. After all, wouldn’t it be fair to be jealous?
With a birthday, the New Year, and our 56th wedding anniversary all within five days, there must be something to resolve. Let me concentrate on thoughts of being 80.
• It’s the best age for me. Why look back with regret or nostalgia, or look forward with fear?
• Live in the present moment. That’s all there is.
• Don’t judge others. I sure don’t want people judging me as I put one foot forward.
• Take care of my body. Exercise, eat well, and if possible, stay away from hospitals.
• Lie on the couch and read.
• Stay in touch with friends and family.
• Pray. Let go and let God.

Hmm, nothing to resolve, just concentrate.

No app life for me

11/18/2019

I had a wonderful weekend in Pittsburg with my daughter and granddaughter who goes to the university there. Such fun just being in the moment with them as well as solidifying some personal old woman attitudes toward technology.
   I may be physically fit and mentally with it, but age has me wanting to be out of the mainstream; take apps, for example. I have an iPhone, and use a few apps, but I have no interest in leading an ‘app life’ or having apps lead me.
     Just this weekend the young woman behind the desk at our hotel suggested that I put the city public transit app on my phone so I could figure out about the bus to the airport; next she encouraged me to add an app to help us make a reservation for a restaurant just down the street. Thankfully, my daughter handled the reservation. As for the bus, I walked to the bus stop and read the itinerary.
    Just to complete this app discussion, my daughter showed me how to put my boarding pass on my phone. No, I didn’t ‘put’ it on, I ‘clicked’ it on. I felt like a young woman as I marched through security and onto the plane.

    (I deleted the boarding pass from my phone, so I’ll show you the breakfast I enjoyed at the airport--since I had so much time to spare after figuring out the bus and using the pass.)

All is well

11/3/2019

Well, this old woman is still up and about, too busy to post. Busy filling a dumpster in case my husband and I feel old enough to move. Busy with our kids and grandkids who helped out with the purging, and, with leave raking. Busy visiting the old people at church (well, older than I am). Busy reading. Busy being.
That all sound like I’m not old, because physically I am young. I forget a few names here and there, but my mind is still functioning. However, I don’t seem to be planning for the future in ways that I used to. I’m content just being.
I don’t talk about my faith much in this blog, but I am grateful for it. I am not fearful of what lies ahead, nor anxious about the present. All is well.

Mentally and physical fit for solo travel

9/24/2019

Maybe one of the results of traveling alone is that I realize that in many ways I am not an old woman, and that I can’t pull the age card other than to keep my shoes on at Logan security. I’m not trying to deny my age, but traveling alone keeps me aware of what I can and cannot do. No question, if you want to travel solo you have to be mentally and physically independent.
     Mentally I can take care of money, manage the bus system, get to and fro on time, and stand in long lines and walk miles at Rome’s Fiumicino International Airport (where no one takes their shoes off). To travel solo internationally you must be able to manage an airport from start to finish.
     Physically I have incredible stamina. It’s a gene thing. I had practice throughout my childhood as I worked hard to keep up with my grandmother as we walked down 5th Avenue in NYC. She set off at a vicious pace, and I notice I am keeping up the tradition. My mom, who lived to be 101, took a daily walk up until the last nine months of her life.
     Yesterday, according to my phone app, I walked 7 miles, took 17,959 steps, and climbed the equivalent of 33 floors. This was my Duomo climbing day, thus the 33 floors; but the miles and steps are pretty accurate for all my solo travel days.

Playing the age card--keeping my shoes on

9/11/2019

I am at Logan Airport waiting for my Alitalia flight to Rome. Yes, it is 9/11 but Terminal E is busy with international travelers. This old woman doesn’t worry about the date, nor does she worry about traveling alone. I’m healthy, ready to walk all over Rome, and can’t wait to sip my first cappuccino.
When I went through security I played the age card when asked two different times to take off my shoes. It seems that no one believes that anyone over 75 could or would hide something dangerous in their shoes.
FYI, CNN is Logan Airport’s news station of choice.

Compassion never leaves us

8/10/2019

Old women have compassion for those suffering. Is that a secret? Probably not. I don’t want to say that feelings are more intense as we get older, but they come with a history. When I see the children suffering at our border or in Mississippi I think of my teaching days when a little girl cried missing her mom on the first day of kindergarten, or when a six year old screamed and hid under a table when he heard thunder. The good news is compassion doesn’t leave us as we get older. At least while we are ‘in our right mind.’ Maybe compassion is a good indicator of that.

Thank you, Judy Kugel

7/12/2019

Judy Kugel, friend of mine, writes a blog entitled “The Something-80 Blog.” For ten years it was called “The Something-70 Blog” but then she had that next decade birthday. Every other day she posts something that creates a record of what is happening and how she is feeling during these later years of her life.
When I read today’s post I knew I wanted to share it as one of those old woman secrets that we all know. Thank you Judy.
ttps://www.70-something.com/

How Healthy Do You Feel?
Posted: 11 Jul 2019 02:47 AM PDT
Next Avenue is a digital platform produced by PBS. Simply put, it is a website that produces excellent articles aimed at baby boomers.
A story last week, The Surprising Way Older Adults Describe Their Health reported that most older people feel healthy more often than we think they do, even though about 60% of them have two or more chronic illnesses.
In the 2017 National Health Interview Survey, 82% of adults ages 65 to 74 described their health as excellent. So did 73% of adults 75 or older.
Younger people have different assumptions about their health. They believe that their health should be perfect so anything less is bad.
For baby boomers and those even older, resilience, gratitude and realistic expectations all play roles in how we feel about how we feel.
Like so many things in life, it’s all about expectations.

You can get on the Next Avenue mailing list here. https://www.nextavenue.org/newsletter/

No beach reading for me

7/2/2019

Elder Chicks, http://www.elderchicks.com, “a blog for women age 70 or better,” has posed its July topic: July: Beach Time Means Beach Books. Readers are asked to share what summer reading is like for them. Is it the same/different as the rest of the year? What are you reading?
Here’s my response.

Reading is the same for me not matter what the season, except that in the summer I can sit outside. The term “Beach reading” doesn’t resonate with me; by any definition, I am not a beach reader. I’ve never gone to the beach to read, not do I long for ‘beach’ type books. I read whatever I want—serious, frivolous and everything in between. During the school year when I was teaching I had less/NO time to read for pleasure. Retirement, however, changes that, and with it came a wider array of books. .
Currently I have four books going. For easy pleasure I’m reading the fifth Maggie Hope Mystery, The Queens Accomplice, by Susan Elia Macneal. Then there is The Overstory, by Richard Powers, a combination of fiction and non-fiction that I’m enjoying as I read each section and then sitting with it—not a fast read. Next is Puccini, A Biography, by Howard Greenfelt; my plan is to listen to each opera as I read about it. Finally, I’m going paragraph by paragraph through The Muller Report, albeit, one or two pages a day.

Princes Street Gardens secret

6/16/2019

I’m in Edinburgh for seven days, by myself of course--my favorite way of traveling. My secret, as I sit writing in the Princes Street Gardens, is that this trip will never end.
I know it is not just an old woman’s secret that something good will go on and on and on. Throughout my life there have been times when I’ve wished that whatever was happening at the moment would continue and continue and continue. It’s a wish for all times and all ages that we know can never be fulfilled. Let’s call it a secret to share that expresses deep contentment.

Author

I am a 78 year old white, educated, privileged woman, in excellent health, with a wonderful family. I go to church and travel by myself to Italy and Scotland. That’s my public vita, my public persona. But that’s not all who I am. I have secrets, secrets of an old woman. So let me say some more.
     I’m old. Not in the usual physical ways of a person age 78, but I’m old in years, and that very fact guides the sense of meaning that I feel and experience in my life. Put succinctly, more and more my age is becoming the filter through which I lead my life.
     I’ve had a rich life, with caring parents, a loving husband of 54 years, two wonderful children, and four amazing grandchildren. My teaching career was rewarding; I published six books for teachers describing my experiences as a kindergarten and first grade teacher. When I retired I earned a divinity degree and became the spiritual care counselor for a local hospice.
    I ask myself if now I am really retired. Well, yes and no. Yes, in that I have more free and unscheduled time to satisfy my longing for silence, solitude and simplicity, which I blog about in this blog-- www.acottagebythesea.net, and more time to attend to my spiritual life, which I blog about in www.aprayerdiary.net. I have more time to spend with family and friends, help at church, read for pleasure, write, and travel,. My old woman secret is that I am still searching for meaning and the search is intense and life supporting.

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