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Wanting nothing on my calendar

8/5/2021

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I’m slipping into a new phase of solitude. Maybe it  is more like a renewal; probably both, new and renew. Here are some of the indicators. 
    I notice that I don’t want very many plans on my calendar. In fact, I don’t want even to keep a calendar, much less have the need to do so. Well, I do need to write down the few medical appointments I have—the standard eye, teeth kind— because I can’t keep my calendar in my head any more. 
      This anathema to many calendar plans was reinforced yesterday during a luncheon visit to a friend at her independent living  facility. The place was lovely—spacious public rooms and dining room; an apartment with a view of rolling hills; a beautiful chapel; and a potter’s studio, furnished with all the sophisticated equipment an expert could want, and open to all residents. 
   As I left, however, feeling exhausted. Not from the visit, but from the thought of all the social energy I would have to expend to live there. The good news is that is that I can stay right here. I am very grateful to be sitting at home with just a few chosen events on my calendar, and a stack of book waiting for me.

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    Author

       I am a 78 year old white, educated, privileged woman, in excellent health, with a wonderful family. I go to church and travel by myself to Italy and Scotland. That’s my public vita, my public persona. But that’s not all who I am. I have secrets, secrets of an old woman. So let me say some more.
         I’m old. Not in the usual physical ways of a person age 78, but I’m old in years, and that very fact guides the sense of meaning that I feel and experience in my life. Put succinctly, more and more my age is becoming the filter through which I lead my life.
         I’ve had a rich life, with caring parents, a loving husband of 54 years, two wonderful children, and four amazing grandchildren. My teaching career was rewarding; I published six books for teachers describing my experiences as a kindergarten and first grade teacher. When I retired I earned a divinity degree and became the spiritual care counselor for a local hospice.
        I ask myself if now I am really retired. Well, yes and no. Yes, in that I have more free and unscheduled time to satisfy my longing for silence, solitude and simplicity, which I blog about in this blog-- www.acottagebythesea.net, and more time to attend to my spiritual life, which I blog about in www.aprayerdiary.net. I have more time to spend with family and friends, help at church, read for pleasure, write, and travel,. My old woman secret is that I am still searching for meaning and the search is intense and life supporting.

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