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Old age knees--don't talk about them

10/21/2020

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Here is my latest old woman’s secret, which isn’t just mine but undoubtedly a universal one. We frame most things terms of our current health (and to a lesser degree the health of those close to us). Often that’s where we begin, both in our thought process and our daily planning. At least, that’s what I’ve been doing ever since my old age knee began to hurt. Now that I’ve had a cortisone injection and been realigned by my chiropractor, I’m less obsessed/worried about it, but it is always on my mind. These days my health seems to be my ‘first responder’. 
      Maybe this has always been true for people who lived with compromised health. But because I’ve been extremely healthy for my entire 80 years, this is new for me. Now, I start everything by first considering my health. For example, my husband and I begin each day mentioning what we are grateful for, and yup, these days we always start with how our bodies are feeling. This isn’t a bad thing, but it is worth noting so we can move on to other gratitudes, ones that might lead us away from ourselves and toward others.
    You ask why our attitude toward our health is an old woman’s secret, why we don’t’ want to bring it up all the time? We don’t want it to take over our relationships or all the meaningful things we do. What we dwell effect who we are. I don’t mind being an old woman—good thing, because what I am. I don’t want to bad knee to define who I am or what I do. That is up to me.

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       I am a 78 year old white, educated, privileged woman, in excellent health, with a wonderful family. I go to church and travel by myself to Italy and Scotland. That’s my public vita, my public persona. But that’s not all who I am. I have secrets, secrets of an old woman. So let me say some more.
         I’m old. Not in the usual physical ways of a person age 78, but I’m old in years, and that very fact guides the sense of meaning that I feel and experience in my life. Put succinctly, more and more my age is becoming the filter through which I lead my life.
         I’ve had a rich life, with caring parents, a loving husband of 54 years, two wonderful children, and four amazing grandchildren. My teaching career was rewarding; I published six books for teachers describing my experiences as a kindergarten and first grade teacher. When I retired I earned a divinity degree and became the spiritual care counselor for a local hospice.
        I ask myself if now I am really retired. Well, yes and no. Yes, in that I have more free and unscheduled time to satisfy my longing for silence, solitude and simplicity, which I blog about in this blog-- www.acottagebythesea.net, and more time to attend to my spiritual life, which I blog about in www.aprayerdiary.net. I have more time to spend with family and friends, help at church, read for pleasure, write, and travel,. My old woman secret is that I am still searching for meaning and the search is intense and life supporting.

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