Self-involved: to be or not to be

I been thinking about what it means when I hear or say,  “Don’t be so self-centered,” or  “She (he) is so self-involved.” There is something disparaging in those comment, something judgmental, something wrong. The implicit message is, “Don’t be that way,’  but of course that is just what I am doing—being that way.  I may be saying that about someone else, but I might as well include myself. When I notice self-centeredness in someone else, I can be sure to find it in myself. My projection  should be easy to detect!
     All human beings are self-centered. It’s our nature. It is where we start as babies and continue as our personalities develop. It’s part of survival. However, the more positive our self-esteem, the easier our self-centeredness can develop away from selfishness and  become open to the self of others. That is how love works. 
    Let’s not fool ourselves. We each live in our own little bubble, with secrets, desires, hates, fears, and loves all our own. Even when we want to explain them,  the possibilities are limited. Words don’t do it, because what we are deep in our soul is beyond words. 
   When I want to defend myself from being labeled self-centered or self-involved,  on a good day I try to be honest about what I’m doing so that my my heart can open, even if just a little, to others. 

​

---