The call came; my brother-in-law died peacefully this morning. The last words that my mom said just six months ago are sustaining the family now. Very grateful.
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From the deck today. I am here at the cottage, waiting for the call, the call telling me that my brother-in-law has offered up that final exhale, that he is released from pain and struggle, and that all the memory we now need is of a life well-lived as husband, father, grandfather, uncle and friend. It is silent on the deck as I sit in solitude, a solitude not lonely but shared with family and friends who knew him. I am finding simplicity in the following, sent to me by a friend. those who can perceive eternity in the sea understand there is no death, only change, there is no loss, only difficult gifts. Maryanne Radmacher-Hershey Yesterday morning I knew I was settling into something new when I realized that I wasn’t frenzied about getting off for home. I spent a leisurely morning reading (The Orphan Master’s Son, by Adam Johnson) and then walking the beach before packing up and starting out. It felt like I was being in silence, solitude and simplicity, not doing it. The other day I met some friends at the Portland Art Museum. It’s a lovely space, a manageable size for its own collection, as well as for traveling exhibits. We were fortunate to see a Degas exhibit, replete with sketches, paintings, and sculptures. Once again it struck me that those with talent don’t just live with their innate ability; they practice, practice, practice, do, do, do, accomplish, accomplish, accomplish. Which comes first, the talent or the practice? Answers may vary, but whatever we do over and over again must have some meaning for us, regardless of the amount of talent. We think of well-know artists, musicians, writers, and athletes as people with talent, but we all have a talent for something meaningful, even if it’s only for ourselves. We cook, invent, do woodwork, garden, decorate our houses, play with our children…. What do I keep practicing by coming to the cottage? What is my talent with all of this, this sitting, watching sunrises, moonrises, the water? I’m not producing anything physical; no Degas in my bones. Sometimes I feel rather useless here, but most of the time I have the sense that sitting in the silence, solitude and simplicity balances out all the doing that’s going on out there in the world. As long as it feels right, I’ll keep doing it. The other day I received one of those emails with nature photos, pithy quotes and background music. I wanted to post it here but since I can’t even copy it, I’ll just tell you about one of the frames. “Live with the 3E’s, energy, enthusiasm and empathy,” accompanies a photograph of a sea horse. I’m not certain if there is a direct relationship between the quote and the picture, but I like the idea of things in 3s. Energy, enthusiasm and empathy offer balance to my 3S’s, silence, solitude and simplicity. I need them all. The 3E’s speak to my extroverted self, the 3S’s, my introverted self. During the weekend I had to gear into 3E mode, although I did have moments with the 3S’s. Yesterday’s 425 mile drive from Lancaster PA to the cottage in Maine took a great deal of energy, but my enthusiasm was high. My husband did his share of the driving (was that empathy?), giving me time to settle into the 3S’s. Today at the cottage I’m wallowing in silence, solitude and simplicity; tomorrow I’ll embrace energy, enthusiasm and empathy when I meet friends during the day and attend a book group at night. How simply spring creeps up on us in early March? We sit in our houses and go outside to shovel or ski, and then one day little sprouts appear, and we even see purple crocuses along our walk. We know there is nothing we need to do to keep growth going. In April gardeners will get busy, but for now they simply have nothing to do. The other evening I finished a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle. I loved the birds and the colors. This puzzle was the right challenge; with concentration I could match the pieces with the picture. The wrong challenge has too much hit or miss in it; I just don’t have control over 1000 pieces of white clouds and blue sky. Um, just like life. I like a challenge but too many random happenings and I’m out of control. |
Contact me: bobbifisher.mac@mac.com
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